Possibly the best compliment I've ever received

My brother texted me this today: "In training we shared our heros.  Everyone was pretty emotional.  I shared you."

When I heard her sing "I Want You" by Bob Dylan in the shower,

something changed

Thoreau

"Every spirit builds itself a house, and beyond it's house a world, and beyond it's world a heaven. Know then that the world exists for you. For you is the phenomenon perfect. What we are, that only we can see...build therefore your own world. As fast as you conform your life to the pure idea in your mind, that will unfold its great proportions."

"When any scorn your love, let them see plainly that you serve not them but another. If these bars are up, go your way to other of God's pastures."

Florence: Siete bella!

Most definitely a city of love. It's thick in the air. I can see it in the way the lovers kiss in the park without lust or violence. The way people steadily ride their bicycles. The tone in the voices of the women. Random smiles are returned. The Duomo is incredibly intricate. An architectual act of passion. No, I don't think there's anything like this in the U.S. But it's not something I can convey to you. You would just have to come here yourself.

I could get used to this very easily.

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still Jesus from the block

Went to the Vatican Museum today. A lot of art depicting violent battles, a sad skinny Christ and popes with smiles with everyone from paupers to kings bowing before them. Is this the essence of Catholicism? Lots of extravagance, lots of money spent here. I couldn't help but wonder where this power came from...did the Crusades have something to do with it? Possibly. Remember those fashionable lanyards from about 7 years ago: What Would Jesus Do? I think that the Catholic church should have pondered this a bit more over the years. Would Christ approve of these castle-like monuments being built in his name? I'm not denouncing Catholicism altogether. I think Mother Theresa is a great example Catholicism at it's best. Also, on the streets just outside of the Vatican City I saw a monk kneeling down and talking to a homeless youth. This is how I like to see Catholicism. And while I'm on the topic, does anyone else think Pope Benidict XVI looks evil as hell? May God bless us all.

Letter to Dublin

Dear Dublin,
I've seen your pubs, where the stout is your blood. The music of the old harp rings far and wide like your rolling green mountains. Voices howl with humility and smiles, a spirit that can't be defeated saying "We're all in it together, come what may..."
And I've seen your clubs, where you paint a mask on and sell yourself as bait and place yourself on the hook. You learn and obediently recite the songs from the falling empire. Can you not realize you're quieting your own heart? I can see this happening, don't you?
Only because you've charmed me so greatly I write this letter to you. Turn back now! Avoid the stagnant water and recognize it's effect on the fight that's born into you. Let the mandolins and flutes sing your joy and sadness.
Thanks for everything.

Jeremiah

The Italian Girl

She sank into my shoulder like red wine

Calm and desperate

As the last light of the sunset

Both children, both parents

Cradling one another

Her ancient eyes dangling

And her face was long

The room danced around us

Day 1 in Londontown

I was up all night the day before yesterday traveling so my plan was to just find my room and take a little walk around the neighborhood. It turned into a pretty elaborate walking tour of London!

Picadilly is the major tourist center of London; it's like a mini Times Square. From there, I wandered into Trafalgar Square, a big area with old buildings, statues, fountains and pigeons. By this point, I was in awe....the black taxis, the double decker buses, the cops with funny hats...it was all here! It's cool to see buildings several hundred years old or more standing alongside modern businesses. In the square was the National Gallery museum, which was free (all major British museums are) They had a lot of spectacular paintings but the Van Gough gallery was unreal. To see his sunflower painting, chair painting and the one I couldn't drag myself away from, his cypress tree painting. Usually, I just get chills for an instant, but this was a wave of chills! The colors are so brilliant in person.

From here, I wandered into St. James park. It was huge, with complimentary lawn chairs and a lake. I sat down with a sandwich and enjoyed listening to the English accents around me...can't get enough of it! I walked around and tried to strike up conversations with the girls of London. They acted much like girls do in most major cities. I noticed that London girls had this certain look in their eye that I couldn't explain. Kind of like there was still a little girl inside them saying, No, mummy, I want the PINK one!! Miss Piggy-like, almost. But no disrespect they were very polite. And so was everyone else I talked to. Definitely puts San Francisco to shame in the way of friendliness.

There is a large middle eastern population here and the segregation (or seperation?) was apparant already. In the National Gallery, there was one class of white children with one tour and another class of brown children with another. I also saw a protest group of brown people...something about food trade..I'll post the pics when I get home.

I saw Big Ben in the distance, and wandered over there. It wasn't as big as I thought it would be! But it is quite elaborate in person. Pictures don't do it justice. The house of Parlament (I think it's called?) looks amazing from behind. Remember the explosion scene in V for Vendetta? Next to it was another park, much smaller than the first. I saw a girl dressed in earth tones and a sun dress so I approached her and struck up a conversation. It felt good after all those dodgy Brits in the other park. She was from Canada and was just here for a day before leaving to do some non-profit stuff in Bali, India. We shared some music and exchanged Facebooks and I went on my way.

I grabbed some groceries and wandered through the West End (Theatre productions and gay district) until I reached my hostel. Then I made friends with 4 girls across the hallway and the Brazilian father and son I was rooming with. What a day! I was beat! As dusk hit, I went to bed.

Now, it's early in day 2, I'm well rested and London is my oyster.

This is stupendous.

Off I go

into the wild blue!  I don't know if I'll update this thing on my trip.  I may choose to write in a journal or not to write at all.  Que sera, sera...carpe diem...and the like...a day of flying ahead of me tomorrow. woo hooo!

Excerpts from The Book of the Way (Translator unknown)

"Success is as dangerous as failure.

Hope is as hollow as fear.

What does it mean that success is

as dangerous as failure?

Whether you go up the ladder or down it,

your position is shaky.

When you stand with your two feet 

on the ground,

you will always keep your balance.

What does it mean that hope is

as hollow as fear?

Hope and fear are both phantoms.

That arise from thinking of the self.

When we don't see the self as self,

what do we have to fear?

See the world as your self.

Have faith in the way things are.

Love the world as your self;

then you can care for all things."

"When they lose their sense of awe, 

people turn to religion.

When they no longer trust themselves,

they begin to depend on authority."

"Men are born soft and supple;

dead, they are stiff and hard.

Plants are born tender and pliant;

dead, they are brittle and dry.

Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible

is a disciple of death.

Whoever is soft and yielding 

is a disciple of life."

Planning, Packing and Goodbyes

Whole lot of that.  With much more to come.  Balance is necessary.  Got some last minute supplies and a lot of books I'm excited about. Half Price Books..wow...they weren't kidding about the half price thing!

This trip feels crazy and absolutely right. 

last night's show

Woohoo!  My band played our first gig at a bar.  We've gotten compliments before but nothing like this.  It was such a success.  We played three sets and by the third one the alcohol was flowing freely and things were getting real comfortable.  We played some songs we haven't touched in months.  I was even convinced to sing a song: "Mexican Girl" by Jackie Greene.  People were dancing and singing along often.  Best of all, I was able to conquer the anxiety of performing almost completely and just have a good time.

I remember when I first got into music...going to a show and being completely awestruck by a performance.  And then, I would decide in myself that I wanted to give something back.  So I'd work up the nerve to approach the artist/s and just tell them how awesome they were and thank them.  It is so surreal being on the other side of that interaction now!  I almost didn't know how to handle all the praise we were getting.  These people that approached me had that same amazed, humble disposition that I had years ago.  Can't wait for Shelley's next week.

Lemon Meringue Pie

Lately, my life has been this wonderful ride, part circumstance part planned, and it's about to really take off.  Life gave me what you could call lemons (being laid off) and I made the tastiest lemon meringue pie I could think of.  The trip ahead of me is scary in all the right ways.  Not the "don't want to go alone at night" scary but the "practiced and prepared and about to take the stage" scary.  

Speaking of that kind of scary, I told a couple people about my band's Shelly's show and now it seems everyone and their friends are coming.  I hope they aren't expecting spectacularity!  We are playing a bar in Hayward tomorrow that no one knows about to warm up.

Things are happening...life is a daring adventure...

Little Wing

This is the first thing my bands recorded that I'm proud of.  It's a live take.  Please tell me what you think.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hF76fIg-zPA

(Yes, I guess our band IS called the Stoned Toads even though it's harder to say than my choice, the suddle, PG Stone Toads.  But I'm not the choicer. aha)

Rights of passage

In The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell discusses how many ancient societies have ceremonies (sometimes grueling) to signify that an individual has reached adulthood and that, largely, this is absent in modern society.

Yesterday, I went to my friend Amy's Berkeley graduation party. As the day wore into the night, the lines between the generations were significantly blurred. We taught Amy's parents and their friends how to hit a hookah and how to play beer pong. It was really a blast for everyone.

To me, the moving trip with my best friend's dad and last night's party was my own right of passage. I've already began to embrace certain things that adulthood entails and this growing up thing couldn't have happened much more naturally. I'm ready for the next stage which is already under way.

Life is good

the last two days

I left at 4:00 am Thursday to help my best friend Will's wife move from Ventura up to the bay.  It was me and Will's dad.  It was interesting interacting with him me being an adult now, especially since he was like my dad growing up (Will and I were joined at the hip for many years).  We took a detour to Pinnacle National Monument, which is the site of some really cool seismic action.  Giant shards of rock pushed up into the sky slowly over the years.  We were looking at a sign about the endangered California Condor and saying how cool it would be to see one.  Just then, we hear this flapping of wings and we see a tree with about 20 of these birds!  They were so awesome.  Wing span of about 9 feet.  They were just waking up and starting their day.  I felt pretty honored to see it...

We got to Stef's that afternoon and helped pack up.  One of Stef's friends, a girl named Courtney, was there.  She had kind of a catty Mona Lisa look, hair parted down the side of her face and long fingernails.  She is a straight edge insomniac working to help recovering addicts who likes to garden.  We had some great one-on-one conversations.  I like her...can you tell?

The next day, we loaded everything in the Penske and me, Stef and Will's dad drove to the bay in our respective vehicles.  101 ocean view...sunset..."1979" by the Smashing Pumpkins.  It was so good to leave the bay for a while.  I love helping Will, Stef and Will's family because of the bond we have.  It won't be long until I'm Uncle Jeremy!  :)  Will is going to be in Kuwait when Stef is due and I've made it as clear as possible that I'll do anything I can to help out.  She just left all her friends to move up here to live with the in-laws, a bold move!  Feeling grateful to have these people in my life.

Rooftop

Testing my new blog app on my iPhone from my roof (making sure it'll work for my trip) It's great up here!

cage clarity

many have tried to cage clarity

and failed

it's forms are infinite!

those who claim to

walk with it

or even hold it captive

will have to face

it's many faces 

and the most divine books

are just sparkles

in the raging sun

still, let them be read

but no more than

the clouds

by children in green meadows

and the most powerful people

are just products of discomfort

in their own marketplace

still, let them be crowned

but no more than

the sounds

by drums in golden rings

and the most rigid institutions

are just catalysts for the greatest change

in the ashes of it's passing past

still, let them hold their minds

but no more than

the magic

by mystery in black nights

House on MacKenzie Hill

A city official parked his sun faded black car and took a sip of cheap coffee before approaching the door of the most curious property on the block. He rang the doorbell a few times only to notice he couldn't hear it inside the house. It must be broken, he thought. After one solid rap on the door a man appeared. The lines on his face seemed to tell an elaborate story. His brown and grey hair was pulled into a pony tail, but some hairs kinked out like branches of a tree on a cliff's edge.

“Hello, sir. There's been a domestic report from your neighbor of an unkempt lawn. I've been told that you've been warned about it and were aware financial actions would be taken. May I ask why you haven't cut it yet?” said the city official. It was a reasonable question, he thought, amidst a lawn of jungle proportion.

The man didn't answer him for a long moment and before the official spoke up again, the man began, “Well...only because you've asked like you did, I'll tell you. I haven't had anyone to...love for about 22 years. No tender moments. 22 years. And for about 21 of those years, like a fool, I was out here, mowing this lawn 30 minutes every week without even thinking twice about it. Anyways, one evening, I caught a beautiful sunset. And watching that day turn to night, like so many before it, something suddenly became clear: I'd wasted a lot of time. So I promised myself I wouldn't mow the lawn, or do anything else that might deter me from what I'm looking for. I may not know what it is just yet, but I know what it isn't.” The man paused and started again, louder now: “ And besides, what would I gain from turning the fruit of the earth into dead meat?” The man shot the official with a pair of eyes glowing with an unclear light.

The official thought about acting like he understood what the man was talking about, but thought better to ignore it altogether. “According to City Law 2495,” he relayed, “your lawn must be under 2 feet tall, and it is of no argument that this is far beyond 2 feet. Because you've already been warned, I have no choice but to give you this ticket. The amount can be mailed to the address on the envelope, made out to the city, check only please. Have a nice day.” He had tried to be as brief and uncordial as possible, still shaken by the man's unapologetic oddness. He made his way down the path between the overwhelming fields.

He heard the man call again, “Hey...” His voice had taken on a more open-ended tone.

The official turned half way around and murmured, “mmhmm?”

“What do you think of real life and the real world?”

“What was that?” The official heard him but, again, hadn't the slightest clue what he was talking about. But now that his obligations were met, he allowed himself to be a bit intrigued.

“Well,” the man went on, “I always hear people talking about it don't you? They say 'that's not the real world' or 'this is not real life.' But no one ever says what the real life is. Do you happen to know what it is?”

The official thought for a moment. He hadn't been in this frame of mind since his college course in Philosophy. “Well, I suppose everyone has their own idea of what the real world is but no one really knows. It's different for everyone, I guess.”

The man felt an intractable urge to capitalize on the official's new uncertainty. “So I want to know then, why can't growing my lawn be my real world? My real life?”

The official replied, “It can. And me giving you this citation is mine.”

The man felt as he'd been cut down to size and the official felt he had found ground to stand on. No “have a nice day” this time. The man closed his door before an exchange could occur and the official drove off to his next stop.

The space between a period and exclamation mark

There should be another punctuation mark, I think.  When texting or writing a letter sometimes I look at the sentence I wrote and think "Well, if I just end this sentence with a period, I'll seem underwhelmed.  And if I end it with an exclamation mark, I'll appear loony to be so excited for such a thing."  Don't you agree?