Off I go

into the wild blue!  I don't know if I'll update this thing on my trip.  I may choose to write in a journal or not to write at all.  Que sera, sera...carpe diem...and the like...a day of flying ahead of me tomorrow. woo hooo!

Excerpts from The Book of the Way (Translator unknown)

"Success is as dangerous as failure.

Hope is as hollow as fear.

What does it mean that success is

as dangerous as failure?

Whether you go up the ladder or down it,

your position is shaky.

When you stand with your two feet 

on the ground,

you will always keep your balance.

What does it mean that hope is

as hollow as fear?

Hope and fear are both phantoms.

That arise from thinking of the self.

When we don't see the self as self,

what do we have to fear?

See the world as your self.

Have faith in the way things are.

Love the world as your self;

then you can care for all things."

"When they lose their sense of awe, 

people turn to religion.

When they no longer trust themselves,

they begin to depend on authority."

"Men are born soft and supple;

dead, they are stiff and hard.

Plants are born tender and pliant;

dead, they are brittle and dry.

Thus whoever is stiff and inflexible

is a disciple of death.

Whoever is soft and yielding 

is a disciple of life."

Planning, Packing and Goodbyes

Whole lot of that.  With much more to come.  Balance is necessary.  Got some last minute supplies and a lot of books I'm excited about. Half Price Books..wow...they weren't kidding about the half price thing!

This trip feels crazy and absolutely right. 

last night's show

Woohoo!  My band played our first gig at a bar.  We've gotten compliments before but nothing like this.  It was such a success.  We played three sets and by the third one the alcohol was flowing freely and things were getting real comfortable.  We played some songs we haven't touched in months.  I was even convinced to sing a song: "Mexican Girl" by Jackie Greene.  People were dancing and singing along often.  Best of all, I was able to conquer the anxiety of performing almost completely and just have a good time.

I remember when I first got into music...going to a show and being completely awestruck by a performance.  And then, I would decide in myself that I wanted to give something back.  So I'd work up the nerve to approach the artist/s and just tell them how awesome they were and thank them.  It is so surreal being on the other side of that interaction now!  I almost didn't know how to handle all the praise we were getting.  These people that approached me had that same amazed, humble disposition that I had years ago.  Can't wait for Shelley's next week.

Lemon Meringue Pie

Lately, my life has been this wonderful ride, part circumstance part planned, and it's about to really take off.  Life gave me what you could call lemons (being laid off) and I made the tastiest lemon meringue pie I could think of.  The trip ahead of me is scary in all the right ways.  Not the "don't want to go alone at night" scary but the "practiced and prepared and about to take the stage" scary.  

Speaking of that kind of scary, I told a couple people about my band's Shelly's show and now it seems everyone and their friends are coming.  I hope they aren't expecting spectacularity!  We are playing a bar in Hayward tomorrow that no one knows about to warm up.

Things are happening...life is a daring adventure...

Little Wing

This is the first thing my bands recorded that I'm proud of.  It's a live take.  Please tell me what you think.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hF76fIg-zPA

(Yes, I guess our band IS called the Stoned Toads even though it's harder to say than my choice, the suddle, PG Stone Toads.  But I'm not the choicer. aha)

Rights of passage

In The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell discusses how many ancient societies have ceremonies (sometimes grueling) to signify that an individual has reached adulthood and that, largely, this is absent in modern society.

Yesterday, I went to my friend Amy's Berkeley graduation party. As the day wore into the night, the lines between the generations were significantly blurred. We taught Amy's parents and their friends how to hit a hookah and how to play beer pong. It was really a blast for everyone.

To me, the moving trip with my best friend's dad and last night's party was my own right of passage. I've already began to embrace certain things that adulthood entails and this growing up thing couldn't have happened much more naturally. I'm ready for the next stage which is already under way.

Life is good

the last two days

I left at 4:00 am Thursday to help my best friend Will's wife move from Ventura up to the bay.  It was me and Will's dad.  It was interesting interacting with him me being an adult now, especially since he was like my dad growing up (Will and I were joined at the hip for many years).  We took a detour to Pinnacle National Monument, which is the site of some really cool seismic action.  Giant shards of rock pushed up into the sky slowly over the years.  We were looking at a sign about the endangered California Condor and saying how cool it would be to see one.  Just then, we hear this flapping of wings and we see a tree with about 20 of these birds!  They were so awesome.  Wing span of about 9 feet.  They were just waking up and starting their day.  I felt pretty honored to see it...

We got to Stef's that afternoon and helped pack up.  One of Stef's friends, a girl named Courtney, was there.  She had kind of a catty Mona Lisa look, hair parted down the side of her face and long fingernails.  She is a straight edge insomniac working to help recovering addicts who likes to garden.  We had some great one-on-one conversations.  I like her...can you tell?

The next day, we loaded everything in the Penske and me, Stef and Will's dad drove to the bay in our respective vehicles.  101 ocean view...sunset..."1979" by the Smashing Pumpkins.  It was so good to leave the bay for a while.  I love helping Will, Stef and Will's family because of the bond we have.  It won't be long until I'm Uncle Jeremy!  :)  Will is going to be in Kuwait when Stef is due and I've made it as clear as possible that I'll do anything I can to help out.  She just left all her friends to move up here to live with the in-laws, a bold move!  Feeling grateful to have these people in my life.

Rooftop

Testing my new blog app on my iPhone from my roof (making sure it'll work for my trip) It's great up here!

cage clarity

many have tried to cage clarity

and failed

it's forms are infinite!

those who claim to

walk with it

or even hold it captive

will have to face

it's many faces 

and the most divine books

are just sparkles

in the raging sun

still, let them be read

but no more than

the clouds

by children in green meadows

and the most powerful people

are just products of discomfort

in their own marketplace

still, let them be crowned

but no more than

the sounds

by drums in golden rings

and the most rigid institutions

are just catalysts for the greatest change

in the ashes of it's passing past

still, let them hold their minds

but no more than

the magic

by mystery in black nights

House on MacKenzie Hill

A city official parked his sun faded black car and took a sip of cheap coffee before approaching the door of the most curious property on the block. He rang the doorbell a few times only to notice he couldn't hear it inside the house. It must be broken, he thought. After one solid rap on the door a man appeared. The lines on his face seemed to tell an elaborate story. His brown and grey hair was pulled into a pony tail, but some hairs kinked out like branches of a tree on a cliff's edge.

“Hello, sir. There's been a domestic report from your neighbor of an unkempt lawn. I've been told that you've been warned about it and were aware financial actions would be taken. May I ask why you haven't cut it yet?” said the city official. It was a reasonable question, he thought, amidst a lawn of jungle proportion.

The man didn't answer him for a long moment and before the official spoke up again, the man began, “Well...only because you've asked like you did, I'll tell you. I haven't had anyone to...love for about 22 years. No tender moments. 22 years. And for about 21 of those years, like a fool, I was out here, mowing this lawn 30 minutes every week without even thinking twice about it. Anyways, one evening, I caught a beautiful sunset. And watching that day turn to night, like so many before it, something suddenly became clear: I'd wasted a lot of time. So I promised myself I wouldn't mow the lawn, or do anything else that might deter me from what I'm looking for. I may not know what it is just yet, but I know what it isn't.” The man paused and started again, louder now: “ And besides, what would I gain from turning the fruit of the earth into dead meat?” The man shot the official with a pair of eyes glowing with an unclear light.

The official thought about acting like he understood what the man was talking about, but thought better to ignore it altogether. “According to City Law 2495,” he relayed, “your lawn must be under 2 feet tall, and it is of no argument that this is far beyond 2 feet. Because you've already been warned, I have no choice but to give you this ticket. The amount can be mailed to the address on the envelope, made out to the city, check only please. Have a nice day.” He had tried to be as brief and uncordial as possible, still shaken by the man's unapologetic oddness. He made his way down the path between the overwhelming fields.

He heard the man call again, “Hey...” His voice had taken on a more open-ended tone.

The official turned half way around and murmured, “mmhmm?”

“What do you think of real life and the real world?”

“What was that?” The official heard him but, again, hadn't the slightest clue what he was talking about. But now that his obligations were met, he allowed himself to be a bit intrigued.

“Well,” the man went on, “I always hear people talking about it don't you? They say 'that's not the real world' or 'this is not real life.' But no one ever says what the real life is. Do you happen to know what it is?”

The official thought for a moment. He hadn't been in this frame of mind since his college course in Philosophy. “Well, I suppose everyone has their own idea of what the real world is but no one really knows. It's different for everyone, I guess.”

The man felt an intractable urge to capitalize on the official's new uncertainty. “So I want to know then, why can't growing my lawn be my real world? My real life?”

The official replied, “It can. And me giving you this citation is mine.”

The man felt as he'd been cut down to size and the official felt he had found ground to stand on. No “have a nice day” this time. The man closed his door before an exchange could occur and the official drove off to his next stop.

The space between a period and exclamation mark

There should be another punctuation mark, I think.  When texting or writing a letter sometimes I look at the sentence I wrote and think "Well, if I just end this sentence with a period, I'll seem underwhelmed.  And if I end it with an exclamation mark, I'll appear loony to be so excited for such a thing."  Don't you agree?

Saul Williams

Some of my favorite quotes from the book ,Said the Shotgun to the Head.  More than brilliant.  It may affirm all you've ever known, that you didn't know yet...

"Have you ever lost yourself in a kiss? I mean pure psychedelic inebriation.  Not just lustful petting but transcendental metamorphosis when you became aware that the greatness of this being was breathing into you.  Licking the sides and corners of your mouth, like sealing a thousand fleshy envelopes filled with the essence of your passionate being and then opened by the same mouth and delivered back to you, over and over again- the first kiss of the rest of your life.  A kiss that confirms that the universe is alligned, that the world's greatest resource is love, and maybe even that God is a woman."

"Come see how death is a myth. There are no deceased only deceived.  Death only awaits those who believed"

"I have committed myself to adultery.  I will only sleep with GOD's wife.  Our affair is no secret; he gets his thrills from watching us.  I cannot tear myself from her eyes.  I am, indeed, her pupil and no longer fear the unseen"

"I am like a survivor of the flood walking through the streets drenched with God suprised that all of the drowned victims and still walking and talking"

"Have you ever been? Are you experienced? Have you ever been to electric lady land?  Did you drink from the fountain?  Did you bask in her molten core?  Did she call your name and guide her to her peak?  Did you feel her quake and tremble?  Did you feel the need to restrain her?  Did she unmask her loving fury?  Did she frighten you?  Did you question what it felt like to have someone inside you?  To swallow life and incubate a world to come?  Did you ask her how it felt to be God incarnate?  To be the daughter of the moon bearing the sun?"

"This earth is our sanctuary, nothing more need be built"

"You have shown me a love that cannot be given or taken.  Let us bask in the fullness of ourselves"

"She kissed as if she, alone, could forge the signature of the sun"

"O my friends, the greatest Americans have not been born yet. They are waiting patiently for the past to die"

"Throw away your map and swallow this cratered pill.  Pull it from the sky and let it dissolve under your tongue.  It is only a matter of time before we are timeless.  Do you feel it yet? Wow.  I can trace each shadow back to its origin.  Can you feel it yet?  Drink more water, take deeper breaths.  Wow.  Why have I been so afraid of love?  So afraid of being vulnerable?  So afraid of being open?  It's like every mannerism and gesture was a lie, some sort of shield to protect me from the judgement of others.   Oh my god.  Turn the music up.  Do you feel that bass line?  It feels like a snake."

"Eve was just open and that's what scared that father/sun god. Ha! That's why they named her Eve.  They were just afraid of the dark.  Scared of their mother's own womb.  Afraid of the unknown."

"Intelligence is intuitive: you needn't learn to love unless you've been taught to fear and hate"

Swoon to the Moon

I stopped running to be captured

To you, moon

 in full bloom tonight

Against purples grays blues

I get it now!

More humble than the sun

More mysterious than the wind

Yet words are not a path to your blessing!

I get it now...

You're tomorrow whispered in my ear

Your glow in my eyes

Inna dem sweet echo chamba!

The Wailing Souls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7cMuFcjHBo&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtLjp0dRJH0&feature=related

My new blog site

With the direction of the world economy, I am finding it more valuable than ever to find out what's really going down!  I know that there are other people who feel the same way so I started this to share what I'm finding.  It's a separate blog because I expect it to get a little mucky...also,  I understand that life will go on, so I make it an effort to keep these issues a safe distance from my personal life. Like John Lennon said, "all I want is the truth!"