This hurts:

"Lonely, little love dog that no one knows the name of

I know why you cry out, desperate and devout

Timid little teether, your eyes set on the ether

Your moon in Bella Luna and howling hallelujah

Nameless you above me, come lay me low and love me

This lonely, little love dog that no one knows the name of

Curse me out in free verse and wrap me up and reverse this

Patience is a virtue until it's silence burns you

And something slow has started in me

As shameless as an ocean and mirrored in devotion

Something slow has sparked up in me

As dog cries for a master and sparks are whirling faster

Lonely, little love dog that no one knows the ways of

Where the land is low is where the bones will show through

Lonely, little love dog that no one knows the days of

Where the land is low is where the water flows to and holds you"

-TV on the Radio

The Chloey Experiment

I realized the other day that of all the times I've pet my dog, Chloey, she's never walked away.  It's always been me to stop.  So I wanted to see if she would get tired of being petted.  I started the clock.  I ensued a non-stop dog petting session.  She sat there enjoying it.  Pretty soon, she was leaning on the side of the couch for added support.  Somewhere around 25 minutes, she collapsed to the floor with a groan. I hit the 30 minute marker and called it; my arms were fatigued.  And after she laid down, she was in for the long haul.  Dogs are really something. 

Girls, girls, girls

I love them.  I'm back in the game.  Don't be suprised if you see me with a different girl each night.  I'm no man whore nor do I have a problem with attention.  I just love girls.  Most of them.  Every smile I extract from a girl's face is a tiny victory. 

1 week of freedom

Oh, how I am grateful....free time the likes of which I haven't seen in a long time.  

"If you can't see the stars, you've probably gone too far." - TV on the Radio

A Few of my Blessings

I have woken up to love

A pair of sparkling

sleepy

eyes

And it lasted

all day long

I have woken up to nature

And then saw, felt, heard and smelt it

all around me

all day long

I have woken up to loving friends and family

With whom I've shared so much

so much that it lasted

all day long

I've woken up to adventures

That gave new experience

And these beautiful days

Are all I've ever needed

Ziggy Marley=great

there' s a rainbow in the sky all the time don't be blind
there's a rainbow in the sky all the time don't be blind
don't be blind

said you im living in my fantasy
but is you who is blinded to reality
the material world means so much to you
you just can't get what im telling you

there's a rainbow in the sky all the time don't be blind
there's a rainbow in the sky all the time don't be blind
don't be blind

cause in a town called sorrow there was joy
yes and there i met painless tear
freed he expressed emotions that egos fear
my life is full of colors yeah my mind is clear

there's a rainbow in the sky all the time don't be blind
there's a rainbow in the sky all the tmie don't be blind
don't be blind

found i mercy in every sunrise
i am born again from the womb of the night
all i have i have left behind
minds eye eyes eye a light will shine

I am not "desperate"...

I don't feel sorry for myself being single, not when Desperate Housewives is the most watched show on the women's network. It's not me, it's everyone else... :) I do, however, believe in needles in the hay.

An exaggerated yet honest account of my work xmas pot luck

Employees who took food to their desks that were too honest to join the Great White feeding frenzy were noted as having poor christmas spirits. Inside the conference room, the sharks outsmarted each other in such categories as where to place the food items and who had the most painstaking recipe. Nervous kissups let fake laughs ring out long after the length that any dignified man should laugh at something that wasn't funny at all. One giant production of a suburban shit-pie...

I wish I liked the people I worked with more.

When the winter comes in dark and heavy,

when it's beating down your door with anxiety, regrets, or whatever that dark cloud holds for you...remember that I'm still here. We all are. And we can stand on the other side stronger then before.

If your soul feels ill, call me.

Drinking black coffee of death as I write

...the stuff thats been sitting on the burner since early morning at my work, slowly simmering away, darker and darker and darker it gets. I need it today; I went to a bar last night with my friend Vikki and had a few. It felt nice putting my new smile to use. There was this guy next to us at the bar who was drinking by himself, mysteriously. This went on for maybe a half hour and when Vikki went to the bathroom, I opened up to him. He lit up all of a sudden and started revealing himself to me.
Air traffic controller who oversaw a plane on the radar yesterday fall thousands of feet before it regained control. Even though it wasn't his fault, it stressed him out enough to throw a couple back. Plus, he seems to be going through a divorce with a couple of kids. He used to smoke herb but now he works for the government so I can't and he misses it. If I was in his shoes, I might be drinking alone at a bar, too.
I guess the point of the story is that most people are strange when you're a stranger, but also, most people will reveal a friendliness that may restore your faith in the human spirit. But someone has to open up first...

In love with life

Yes, touching everyone with love as much as I can. Pulling love out of nowhere. Ready to see everything. Learn new philosophies. Go on adventures. Be all I can be. I AM MAKING MAGIC NOW. What a world

Meeting Jackie Greene's Mom

Went to see Jackie Greene tonight up by Vacaville with my brother and his dad. There weren't many people. It was all folding chair seating and someone wanted to save four seats in front of ours and left us with the task of keeping guard. I jokingly said "I'll just tell them that it's for Jackie Greene's mom." The guy said "That's a good one," and walked away.  

No one took the seats for a while and we saw the guy in a seat closer up.  We almost gave them away, doubting anyone was coming. But as you can guess from the title of this here piece of literature, it was indeed saved for Jackie's mom!  I wasn't quite sure at first; my leads were that what appeared to be Jackie's little twin hugged her and that she had that same kinda sad puppy look in her eyes as the one in Mr Greene's.  I was almost certain by the time he started and she proudly bobbed her head to every song, like it was just one long nod of satisfaction.  

I mustered up the courage: "So me and my brother here have a bet.." etc etc...I told her that her son was a huge inspiration to me. She asked what me and my brother's names were and shook our hand and gave us the pleasure for a few moments.  Nice nice lady...asked if we were have a good time.  Of course we were, he's a goddamn madman whirlwind of talent.  I wanted to tell her that her son's songs inspire on crappy days and ask if he annoyed her til the morning with endless playing, but I didn't.  I wanted to leave her with a good as an impression as she left me so I chose not to bother her.  

The power of a good mother, eh?

A healthy connection or a clean break

would be ideal.  But you decided to put us on life support.  Arrrg...something tells me I'd be doing much better on my own.  I'll give it just a little more time...

Best Teacher

Friends advice can be great sometimes. Other times, no one knows the situation better than you and other people's narrow view of the situation will only confuse your figuring.  And company can be great when you're bummed out sometimes but other times, you need to be alone to handle yourself.  I seem to do best when I don't get swept away in what other people are exuding.  

"Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong." -Winston Churchill

(What could be) A Simple Goodbye

It's not a question

Of who ruined it

It is an answer:

This shoe doesn't fit

An attempt to explain what made Sublime so great

When I put on Sublime, it's because I want that "Sublime" mood.  It's care-free and entirely compassionate at once.  It has that serious sound of revolution at times and sometimes it was about "being drunk by noon (but that's ok.)"  They blended everything the better parts of California are about tastefully.  

Often, when white artists try to venture into black musical territory they sounded corny or contrived.  When Sublime did it, it felt right.  There could be a line about shooting a gat or a phrase with a Jamaican accent and you wouldn't question it.  This probably has to do with them  growing up in Long Beach, unafraid of cholos, thugs or what have you.  They were just one of the boys.  There was no racial divide.  

And, of course, there is something about Bradley's voice.  So direct and heartfelt. It seems he didn't have to jump to the notes he has singing, but rather they were just there, waiting to be sung.  I love looking at pictures of him singing because sometimes you can see that emotion all over his face and in his body. 

Bud and Eric were an awesome rhythm section that flowed naturally and never sounded boring.

There is music that I never get tired of, but not much.  Sublime is one of the few, along with The Beatles.  

Sublime reminds me of hopping on a skateboard and just going for it.  Going to a party and having a hell of a good time.  Letting my heart run free without being afraid of where it may go.  

All day

I've been smiling really big like one of those really dark happy African guys. Don't know why. Guess I don't need a reason

I would love to

Eat some fungus in Golden Gate Park. You know, get reaquainted with the essence. I'm feeling too goddamn TAME...

To Our Wandering Spirits:

Wishing I

Could expedite my exhibitions

Missing my

Trip across this wish list

Eating from

The Withered hand that feeds

Depleting some

To fulfill basic needs

Dreams bring

A definition to color

Seems things

In distance bring allure

But I am

Grateful for my 

Someday

"One day"s can be a

"Today"

Heart & Mind Walk Together (But Don't Hold Hands)

I think I know just about who I am this time around

And that there's something I'll have

That'll keep me happy

Even alone

So why do I not breathe

When I'm not with this one

Goes against my way

But I'm afraid it's most true

Regression, Progression

I can't tell

But I can allow myself

to get carried around

in something I don't understand

I'll stand under

it's shade for now

The best gift I can receive on my birthday:

A reminder that the years are flying...

The Dawn!

I'm going to try to explain the significance...the huge significance...of how I feel tonight.  Laying with my love, watching the best party Chicago has ever seen.  Seeing all of these hopeful people finally feeling redemption.  I feel like I don't have to give up on a future, that the world may not be doomed after all.  With this beautiful woman who is crazy about me and with this beautiful event, I am feeling like a man.  A provider.  One with pride.  Not some animal forced into hedonism by a hopeless world.  I'm dusting off the dreams of my future.  I'm awake.  And I got mad love to give...

<3

"Feel the flow of the fluid as I swim through it to free my soul
Push shoved the came without the glove numbed the pain
The magic from up above what it does for the brain
Make the love, paint the picture, write the song
Make the love, paint the picture, write the song
Til the break of dawn"
-Atmosphere

Everything is happening so quickly. Dunno whether to speed up or slow down. I do know...that I'm enjoying the ride....

Dionysus on the Runway (Palo Alto bars)

Tacking up their smiles in hopes of a mail-in rebate.  Painting themselves and dangling themselves in front of the liars, swinging back and forth.  Doubts whitewashed with a nod to the beat.  That never-ending song.  It's not everything else, it's you, dear lonely, lost dancer.  In your head, it's you.  Drink Sprite, Play Again.  "Leave now," it said, "and don't come back unless you have less of your self."

I was scared by watching this group of girls do nothing but take pictures of themselves all night.

"It ain't in the marshmallow noises of the chocolate cake voices

That come knocking and tapping in Christmas wrapping

Saying ain't I pretty and ain't I cute and look at my skin

Look at my skin shine, look at my skin glow

Look at my skin laugh, look at my skin cry

When you can't even sense if they got any insides." 

-Bob Dylan

Jeremy Says:

If you are in a situation that would go great with marajuana and there is no pipe to be found and you just don't have enough for a joint, there is hope. The answer? An apple!

Just poke a hole in the top by the stem with a pencil and one on the side (all the way through if you want a carb). You can find them at 711's, let alone grocery stores, so they are pretty accessible. Some may makeshift a pipe from an aluminum can but who knows what kind of harmful chemicals into your lungs.

The apple: Smoke from it, eat it, enjoy.

You are a rock, you are an island

If you choose to die alone
that's fine
If you think this makes you strong
that's fine
If your vase was already broken
that's fine
If it can't hold my red roses
that's fine
So long as it's fine with you

One of the keys to romance:

Mystery, mystery, mystery. It's not bad...it's not good either. It's the way to keep your options open, as well as the busy imagination, which could conjure up things that may be bigger than a set in stone kind of world. Yes, mystery can leave a world of options at your fingertips.

Saying as much as you can with as little words as possible.

Votes for Obama switched to McCain

Yes, indeed. I heard on the news this morning that the pre-polling stations were switching right in front of voters eyes. So I asked my friend who keeps up on the disgusting underbelly of this fiasco and he gave me this reply:

'WV Voting Machines Switch Votes from Obama to McCain- Early voting in the presidential election has already begun in many states, and problems are already emerging at the polls. In West Virginia, voters in at least two counties using touchscreen voting machines have claimed their votes were switched from Democrat to Republican. Six voters reported having this problem in Jackson and Putnam Counties. In both counties, Republicans are responsible for overseeing elections. One voter, a retired nurse named Shelba Ketchum, said, "I hit Obama, and it switched to McCain. I am really concerned about that. If McCain wins, there was something wrong with the machines.” Election officials blamed voters for not being more careful. Both counties use machines made by Election Systems & Software.'

"If McCain wins, there was something wrong with the machines." I can just imagine a sweet little old lady scruntching up her face and saying that. Hahaha.

We may be in for a helluva trip, my friends...

Giving kisses can be wonderful

But receiving kisses is a little sweeter, is it not?

:)

I analyzed my intentions and, again, it's no suprise

All I wanted of you was to make love to your eyes

If you've read Ishmael

I read the chapter about the importance in the cycle of hunters, gatherers, and scavengers this morning.  My brother and I visited the Marina for a session afterwards and while leaving, I saw a hawk pounce on a squirrel.  He was holding it with it's claws and we parked about 20 feet away, watching nature unfold. He was reluctant to do much, for one reason or another so I turned off the radio and we sat in silence.  Another group drove their vehicle too close after seeing it, and it flew with it to a tree branch that he had presumably scoped out in case of such an approach.  It was cool to see such a thing at such a time.  

If you haven't read Ishmael, you should.  It's good.

Guerilla Gorilla...

The Exhaulted One: Jackie Greene

A being of musical mastery.  Jesus H. Christ.  In some ways, the best live artist I've ever seen.  Amazing guitarist.  Amazing harmonica player.  Amazing pianist/organ player.  I thought about the life he must live to aquire such an easy execution of such talents.  Wake up eat breakfast, musicmusicmusic skip lunch musicmusicmusicmusicmusic dinner musicmusic bed.  Has to be.  Everyone should come to the New Years show with me just to be in on one of the best musical secrets going around the bay.  And so I can share this state of amazement.  

No, I didn't overhype it..!

On the Abyss:

"Let man contemplate Nature entire in her full and lofty majesty; let him put far from his sight the lowly objects that surround him; let him regard that blazing light, placed like an eternal lamp to illuminate the world; let the earth appear to him but a point within the vast circuit which that star describes; and let him marvel that this immense circumference is itself but a speck from the viewpoint of the stars that move in the firmament. And if our vision is stopped there, let imagination pass beyond... All this visible world is but an imperceptible element in the great bosom of nature. No thought can go so far... It is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere, and whose circumference is nowhere. This is the most perceivable feature of the almightiness of God, so that our imagination loses itself in this thought."
-Pascal (1623-1662)

Funniest Ipod Juxtaposition Ever

"Reggae Got Soul" by Toots and the Maytals into "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel.

"Hello, darkness, my old friend.."

Haha.

Love that shuffle mode.

It's a sloooow day here at the place of business...

Kindness

is best paired with confidence.

Stress

is the absence of rational thought in a trying situation.

Mission Peak Pictures

Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe and Mission Peak

I went to a cafe last night that Mike Dirndt from Green Day opened.  It had a old school punk/ska theme, which ruled. Looking at the walls, I noticed an award for best diner from East Bay Express. The menu had clever references to songs only I seemed to know...the food was really great, everyone agreed, and the dollar beers were generous.  The waiter was hilarious.  He had a tattoo of Galactus, devourer of worlds (If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry.  I used to read a lot of comics).  I'll be back to this spot.

Today I hiked to the top of Mission Peak in Fremont, a six miler. Felt the peace that comes with being in wide open spaces.  I saw lots of interesting things that I tried to capture with the digital camera.  The lizards and chipmunks were too fast tho....I'll have to post them later because I'm leaving the house again now for more merrymaking.  I hope everyone is very well.

Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel

I've always just kinda heard this song in the background but I heard it yesterday on my ipod while driving and it blew me away. It's beautiful. I could really relate to it. I'm too technologically challenged to post the audio version but here is the lyrics. Give it an honest listen!

love I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heatin your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,the heat I see in your eyes

A rare moment

Today, on the way home from the Marina after work, I had a rare moment wherein I was void of emotion, of my own happiness, sadness and ego, that is.  And..as I passed people..I felt I could see their whole life story in their face.  I saw a great deal of pain..and felt a strange, new sense of empathy.  

Freedom of Speech?

From: Jack BloodDate: Oct 1, 2008 3:29 PM

If you haven't heard, all of the speakers INVITED to the "We The People" Fest in Los Angeles this past Saturday, 9.27.08 WERE CENSORED BY AUTHORITIES IN LA(This included Myself - Jack Blood, Anti War Icon and Congressional Candidate Cindy Sheehan, and Green Party Presidential Candidate and former Congresswoman (GA) Cynthia McKinney.)The event was besieged with problems beginning just a few weeks before the scheduled event at the Los Angeles State Historic Park located just south of Downtown LA.The event organizers were put under an enormous amount of pressure after certain political entities became abusive over the event artwork, and the choice of speakers to attend.

The police were "concerned" that a riot could ensue if we spoke to the 5,000 plus crowd. (Many more would've been at the event which could hold 20,000 if the police did not block the entrance after they decided too many people were gathered together with "anti - government" opinions.) What happened to the First Amendment????I was about to speak before Suicidal Tendencies - just after Fishbone when I was pulled off stage and told that the cops would shut down the event if I was allowed to go on stage.(I had planned to bring Dylan Avery from "Loose Change" on stage with me)

ST had really fired up the crowd, and then were besieged by "technical problems"Later,Cindy Sheehan was told that she could introduce Tom Morello (Rage against the Machine) but would NOT be allowed to address the crowd. She refused the "offer".Cynthia McKinney was warned ahead of time that she would not be allowed to take the stage and did not attend the event.Shavarsh "Shavo" Odadjian (System of a Down) also did not attend the event as scheduled, and I assumed this was because of the nature of what was (not) happening.The event organizers, in my opinion, could have done a better job standing up to the authorities, but should not be blamed at this time. (I will reserve judgment) If the concert was shut down it certainly would've resulted in a full scale riot, which might have been the goal all along. In attendance were hundreds of small children who would have been caught in an extremely violent situation.The censorship came from several source points.

1)The Mayor of LA: Antonio Villaraigosa who is a major Obama supporter, and who had wanted to speak from the main stage earlier in the day, on the contingency that the 3 scheduled speakers not be allowed to take the main stage. It appears that all orders carried out by local police were directed from the Mayor's office.(Who was giving orders to the State Police?)
2) Rock the Vote: We heard that they had booked most of the bands, and were displeased by the "anti establishment" "anti Obama" rhetoric previously displayed by the 3 speakers.(OK I am Guilty)
3) The Obama campaign: Who had somehow co-opted the event. There were several Obama and anti McCain booths at the event, and after the speakers were censored, the entire event turned into an Obama rally.The question is, did the Obama campaign recruit the Mayor (and the Staters) to stop the 3 speakers who would oppose their candidate, and reveal that neither the Demopublicans, nor Republicrats were coming to save us.
4) Every speaker scheduled to speak were also 911 Truth supporters, and we can assume that certain people in positions of power did not want us to detail the high crimes and treason perpetrated by the guilty.TODAY - 10.1.08 - I will be joined by Cindy Sheehan (www. cindyforcongress. org)AND Dylan Avery www. loosechange911. com2nd Hour starts at 5 PM Eastern Time.www. gcnlive. com (Stream 2)OR you can look for it later at www. deadlinelive. infoI want to thank the organizers of this event for inviting me, and attempting to make a world class event in one of the biggest cities in the world.What we have learned is just how far the establishment will go to shut down the TRUTH! In the future we might leave our children at home so that we can respond in such a way that the authorities will understand that WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND WERE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Where I see myself this morning:

At a nice cottage-like cafe with creeky floors somewhere far south on the 1. The ocean is rolling just across the road and I'm eating a english muffin with apple butter and sipping exquisite coffee. The breeze is perfect. I'm across from a woman in a pastel sundress who has lots of wonderful things to report, like a child returning from a fair. Then, we start to talk about what we are going to do with such a beautiful day...

Love and rejuvination

My mom raised me and my brother since the early 90's single. Always. And now she's in love. She is a new woman. Her face looks 10 years younger and she is always smiling. Everything is funny to her. Last night, she told me a bunch of jokes from Blue Coller Comedy (blech..) that she saw with her love. "I gotta get you LAUGHING more!" "Well, mom I'm not in love like you!" To put it simply, there is now vibrant color where there was none. And I'm very happy for her. What a difference a bit of affection makes, eh?

Last Night

Was pretty awesome.  Thank you, Tommy, Tommy and Rachell.  Entertaining ourselves into the morning with nothing but music, sharing thoughts and delirium.  Bird clip, gentleman's bong, fuckin' Siddhartha, the chives of destiny...I was dying of laughter.  Still on no sleep yet strangely alert.  I feel a calm similar to the one after coming down from a psychedelic excursion.  You guys are close to my heart.

At last

I can say confidently that I'm preserving, following, and developing my own peace that won't change.  It's been slowly rising and now it seems comfortable in the forefront of my consciousness. Unaffected by things or people leaving.  It's something I will enjoy the most but the righteous around me may enjoy, too.  

In other words, I'm now hold a lasting love for myself.

The Great Gatsby

I took a needed sick day today and finally began reading this masterpiece of literature. Wow. ("Wow" may be one of the only words that , in the right context, can have more power with a period after it than an exclamation mark.) I only read the first chapter, but here's some parts I was in awe of:

-Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope.

-If personality is a series of unbroken gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life, as if he were related to one of those intricate machines that register earthquakes ten thousand miles away.  This responsiveness had nothing to do with that flabby impressionability which is dignified under the name of the "creative temperament"-it was an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely I shall ever find again.

-...so much fine health to be pulled down out of the young breathgiving air.

-...one of those men who reach such an acute limited excellence at twenty-one that everything afterward savors of anticlimax.  

-...with her chin raised a little, as if she were balancing something on it which was quite likely to fall.

-Almost any exhibition of complete self-sufficiency draws a stunned tribute from me.

-It was the kind of voice that the ear follows up and down, as if each speech is an arrangement of notes that will never be played again.  Her face was sad and lovely with bright things in it, bright eyes and a bright passionate mouth, but there was an excitement in her voice that men who had cared for her found difficult to forget: a singing compulsion, a whispered "Listen," a promise that she had done gay, exciting things just a while since and that there were gay, exciting things hovering in the next hour.

-For a moment the last sunshine fell with romantic affection upon her glowing face: her voice compelled me forward breathlessly as I listened- then the glow faded, each light deserting her with lingering regret, like children leaving a pleasant street at dusk.

-Daisy took her face in her hands as if feeling its lovely shape, and her eyes moved gradually out into the velvet dusk.

-Something was making him nibble at the edge of stale ideas as if his sturdy egotism no longer nourished his peremptory heart.

Dance, you $#%* hipsters! (Treasure Island Music Festival)

It turned out much better than I had anticipated. I saw lucky to get the tickets from an independent supplier for $15, otherwise I would’ve missed out. The attire worn by the mob was big sunglasses, pastel skirts and pointy shoes. Thrift store galore. Carefully crafted exteriors. Kids that traded their fire to leech at the teet of the widow of “cool.” And dancing was sparse. But that is something that I needn’t be worried about. After all, I was there for the glory.

Day 1 was primarily dance music. Some was great and some had too much of that disco feel. Aesop Rock wandered aimlessly on stage before his set, knowing that he would be a stranger to the crowd. Most of the backpackers wouldn’t spend $65 to see him. It became even more apparent that he was an outsider when the English announcer introduced him as Aesop Rocks. He was great. The deadpan delivery went hand in hand with his reptilian movements. He looked high as a mother…Antibalas was a stream of ethnicity and grooves. I loved how they had each member step out and become band leader. Goldfrapp’s singer had a voice from the heavens but I couldn’t really get into it. Mike Relm, the mash-up master, had lots of personality and some awesome pairings of songs. My favorite: A drum and bass beat with the Peanuts theme and the Pee Wee Herman theme. I tried to see TV on the Radio living up to their elite indie reputation but I still think they are overrated. Still good though. Kinda like Superbad…It is refreshing to see some brothers in an indie band. Justice, who has a bigger buzz than TV on the Radio was groovetastic. Awesome, non-disco, non-cheesy rhythmically unique… What a party that was…

Day 2 was more about rock, and I enjoyed it more. A couple bands got a little bit Morrissey on me but I guess that was to be expected. Tokyo Police Club had their own thing going. Hard to describe. Short bursts of indie pop with a helping of punk rock. Nah, that’s not right. I guess you’ll just have to see for yourself! Morning Benders were awesome. Great sense of melody making and some really cool use of the delay pedal. They tried to remind the audience that they were alive. Okkervil River was from Austin, which made them great multi-instrumentalists. Spiritualized was a deep breath of fresh air. They were from England and had two soulful backup singers. They didn’t rush along simple ideas like sun and god, they stayed inside of them until you could really feel them. Vampire Weekend ruled. Happy, happy, joy, joy. I feel in love with Tegan and Sara. Well actually, Tegan. Girls that rock automatically receive my heart, whether they are gay or not. Oh, and that band Paramore owes everything to Tegan and Sara’s style of singing. Seeing two indentical twins sing the same phrase with the same note, same voice, etc. at the same time sounded great. The Raconteurs were the surprise of the day. I wasn’t expecting much but wow. The songs reminded me of Led Zeppelin songs that have that drunken, sloppy grove that just feels so great (Ex: “Fool in the Rain”). Jack White is way more talented than I gave him credit for. He pulls white-boy soul out of nowhere! Gets all into it like Janis Joplin did. Not to mention the rest of the band, from Nashville, back him up way better than Meg White does. In closing, my faith in indie music is restored. Now if we could just take all the hipsters and put them on an island…oh, wait…

Soldiers of Jah Army lyrics:

I open my eyes, each morning I rise 

to find the truth I know that is there.

I'm lucky to breathe, I'm lucky to feel,

I'm glad to wake up, I'm glad to be here.

With all of this world, and all of it's pain,

all of it's lies, and all of it's let downs...

I still feel a sense of freedom-

So glad I'm around.

It's my freedom, can't take it from me

I know it won't change.

But we need some understanding,

I know we'll be alright...

Alright.

The day I am gone, and the day that I leave

I'll never regret one minute of life.

I've learned from the joy, I've learned from the tears,

I've walked through the dark, now I seen a light.

Every tongue of everyone

of every state in every land,

has every thing to be thankful for...

It's my freedom

As the Evening Explodes

Let the brilliance come to light. It is all ours.  The fruits of our labor are sweet, indeed.  Love is not a sweet enough word to describe the unique wonder and wonders in each eye.  Catch my dance in a cradle embrace, and we can both believe.

I love my friends.  And a night like this is all the proof I'll ever need.  I am truly lucky.

At risk of sounding completely superficial...

The iphone is the greatest device ever. It is a phone, GPS, ipod, fully capable internet browser, notepad, calculator, camera, calender. And I'm in love. I am an iphonesexual....

I also will only listen to reggae these days.  It's always uplifting; major melodies are uplifting and sincerely happy. Minor melodies aren't sad or angry, but just powerful and often badass.  It helps keep me in the mood I like to/should be in. I and I's head be feelin' clear an me gwan go play it right now.

End trasmission

It's ok to not do anything sometimes

...but not after I just had a three day weekend of it! Must self-motivate. Tomorrow, I will do...something....

Washer Silliness.

So my washer has many settings and modes to choose from.  It has a "Normal" mode...and a "Regular" mode. Concerned that I was missing something, I looked these two words up in Webster's Dictionary:

Normal- Conforming to type or natural law.

Regular- Conforming to, governed by rule.

Nope, I didn't miss anything. Silliness is on a rampage. This washer needs an "Ordinary" mode.

Suprise Morning

So I go to the Mon Cafe, my Cheers-like local spot, this morning wearing pajamas and slippers which is usually body language for "I wasn't planning on staying today." I just wanted to grab coffee then go make music.  But I did stay after talking to some of the old-schoolers, and then I found out they were tallying votes for an art contest at 10:00 so I thought I'd stick around a bit more. I was asked to stand and read off the votes.  So here I am, still 1/16th alseep, in pajamas, merrily reading off votes to someone tallying on a chalkboard.  It was crowded and everyone was jovial as hell.  The winner ended up being someone who worked there and had his friends all vote, but the winners-up were very talented.  They even had a child art category.  The mood was that of a fancy dinner, where everyone is drinking wine and dressed up, with lots of applause. Good times had. Suprise morning.

(Positive Mental Attitude)

Don't care what you may say

We got that attitude

Don't care what you may do

We got that attitude

Yeeeeeah, we got that P.M.A.

Yeeeeeah, we got that P.M.A.

Don't care what you may say

We got that attitude

Don't care what you may do

We got that attitude

Yeeeeeah, we got that P.M.A.

Yeeeeeah, we got that P.M.A.

We got that attitude

We got that attitude

-Bad Brains, "Attitude"

Why? well, just because

Eavesdropping

...at the In-N-Out (the happiest and holiest place I know) today. Two suits sitting at the table next to me.

"Well [so-and-so] is on his way out so you should try to consolidate the power, make a power play."
"Why?"
"...I dunno."

Swear to god...

food for thought

"Iron is destroyed by it's own rust."

Outside Lands Pictures

Here are the pictures. It's Rupa and the April Fishes (with guy on stiltz), Devendra Banhardt, M. Ward, Regina Spektor and Jackie Greene, in that order.  There was many more cool moments, but I was enjoying myself too much to play photographer.

Outside Lands

I don't know what prompted the name for this festival but I have a feeling they were hinting at a state of being: The feeling you get at these multiple day festivals that pulls you from the world you know (Outside Lands) and lets you live in a world where for three days, music is everything.  And from everywhere the world over.  

It was slightly difficult finding transportation to the park from BART and back, due to the fact it was a concert catering to 67,000* people and no parking, although there was valet parking for bikes.  The first day felt rushed and short.  There was no time to lose looking around at booths, the show was only about 5 hours and contained many acts I wanted to see.  We (including me, my brother and his girlfriend) got there just in time to catch the tail end of my favorite Steel Pulse song.  We fired up immediately.  From there, we saw The Dynamites, a great throwback soul/funk band.  The singer had that feeling that's getting harder and harder to find in new voices. This was good time music.  Manu Chao had a great energy and the way they flash-transitioned from punk to reggae was stunning.  

We then saw Beck, who I had great expectations for, but just cycled through the hits until we left halfway through to check out the Black Keys. Anyone who's heard the old Black Keys stuff knows what to expect: dirty garage rock soaked in very old school blues.  They rocked harder than "Kick Out the Jams."  Well, maybe not that hard, but a close second. 

Then the finale of the evening: Radiohead.  I didn't know about the effect that the sights and sounds would have: causing people's heads to spontaneously combust.  Maybe because it was MINDBLOWING. Waves of beauty poured through the speakers.  The moment of zen came when during "Karma Police;" everyone sang along loudest to not the verses of chorus, but the bridge, "for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself, I lost myself."  It was like if pressure and relief, pleasure and pain, existed simultaneously.  The sound shut out a few times.  Yeah.  Right in the middle of songs for many minutes.  It was cool though because it prompted Thom Yorke to actually crack a joke in that English accent you sometimes forget he has: "Somebody must of spilt beer on the cord."

The first thing we saw day 2 was Rupa and the April Fishes, which friggin' rule.  They had a gypsy jazz kinda sound.  Sometimes it sounded Jewish or Russian.  But the tempo was high and I wished I was seeing them in a dimly lit tavern, slamming mugs with a mate and drunkenly carrying on.  Ol' Devendra played right after that and was playing his cheery "let's make it, baby" kinda stuff, pleasing me and seemingly the rest of the crowd.  He's a funny guy and he has seemed to mellow out. He covered that song that goes "in the summertime, when the weather is fine..." got me dancin' like cooked speghetti.

We hiked to Galactic's Crescent City Soul Crew after that and I started half-dancing as I approached the stage.  It was, after all, funky.  A girl walking the opposite way was half-dancing, too, so I started a full dance with her.  It was fun then we waved goodbye and spoke no words.  My only other encounter with the opposite sex these three days was with a hippy who gave me a big chunk of an organic cookie. "I think you'll really like this," she said.  "Why, is it a special cookie?" says I.   It wasn't.  There were girls with flowers in their hair everywhere but I'm still awfully shy when it comes to that kind of make-the-move thing.  And there were lots of yuppies, too and in SF it is sometimes hard to tell the difference.

M. Ward owned it and so we never made it to Lupe Fiasco, even after he played my 3 favorite songs.  Kaki King kinda sucked.  I liked her more when she just played acoustic.  Now she's a singer/songwriter who sings and writes songs which I do not like.  So we took the time to eat.  The food was great because they had  booths from some of the most popular restaurants in the city, instead of $8 mysterious hot dogs.  

I got a good spot for Regina, mi amor, with my friend's sister, another Regina fan.  My brother and Michelle aren't big on Regina (I know...) so they stayed back.  Of course, she was (can't think of a good enough adjective here).  And I have two claim to fames: 1. She was checking me out- I thought she was looking at me and then my friend's sister asked me if she was.  So it wasn't just me who saw! 2. She said she loved me-  I got up the nerve somehow to yell, "I love you, Regina!" amidst total silence.  She whispered back "I love you, too."  People congratulated me and patted me on the back, like I had won a date with her or something. I knew it was ridiculous, but it really made my day anyhow... 

I got to Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals halfway through their set, which was nothing I haven't seen from them before.  Poor old Ben; he's getting jaded in spite of himself and his good nature.  I was honored to see Primus rock it, with their cowboy-robot-on-a-rampage sound and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers closed out the night with an veteran set.  But how could he leave out "Don't Do Me Like That"???

Day 3 started with a favorite of mine these days, Jackie Greene.  This young dude owns on the harmonica, the guitar and the piano, not to mention a decent voice and a knack for writing damn good, pop-influenced Americana songs.  You can see him in my pictures leading the band in a very Dylan-esque way.  The Dylan comparisons are justified because the similarities are high.  Both started at about the same age, choosing a style and a character to express themselves through, a bit more rural than they.  Both have the ability to seemingly sum up all of the universe in one or two lines of prose.  Both chain smoke. 

We sought out the Culver City Dub Collective next, which was fronted by a hawaiian woman with a voice that sounded like the warmth and love of the island.  It was a strange juxtaposition to Jackie Greene.

Toots and the Maytals was one of my favorites from the festival.  They were playing reggae before anyone knew who Bob Marley was and they had it in their nature by now.  Saying they make the music sound dead-on without trying is an understatement.  They had more yuppies dancing than anyone else. They did a cover of "I've Got Dreams to Remember" that sounded JUST LIKE Otis Redding and his band.  I couldn't believe it.  They got mad soul in Jamaica. 

I caught Andrew Bird make a tasty song with his loop pedal and then saw The Cool Kids brand of east coast high school hip hop.  They had base heavy beats like OG Beastie Boys and that style that is witty without trying like Jay Z.  Check out "A Little Bit Cooler" for a taste.  Lighthearted stuff.

Rodrigo y Gabriela brought down the house.  I would not have been suprised if their guitars caught fire.  There was this curious fellow who watched the show next to me with his girlfriend.  A very fashion-oriented couple, dressed in lots of hip, black stuff.  He had a monotone stoner voice that was very clear.  Seems like one of those guys that calls his girlfriend "babe" all the time. In our conversation, he told me about seeing them 4 or 5 times before and about all the fun that he had had.  He reminded me of a character from On The Road by Jack Kerouac.  He was into having fun so much, he approached it like a business.  After every song, he would yell a "whoooo!" so loud that it seemed he was wringing all the fun out of each and every moment that he could.  When someone asked him if he wanted to smoke, he said "yeah, bro!" as if saying "why would I be dumb enough to turn down something so FUN?"  Good guy, though.

We saw Wilco briefly and then Jack Johnson, who was more anti-climactic than I expected.  During the first song, he spots a spider on his mike and announces so to the masses and while fooling with it, drops his guitar.  He later starts singing the second verse first for one of his songs and then admits doing it about 15 times on this tour.  Oh Jack, the ladies love you, don't they?

*=I think that's what the number was at, not counting the presumably 1,000s who snuck in.  

I'll never know...

Did the good day put me in a good mood or did my good mood make the good day?

Maybe it's these new rubber bands I got this afternoon for my braces. Bear.

Colonated Ruins Domino

Our generation is not riding into the sunset. We are not destined for cookie cutter families and financial security. Also, we will probably not die with our loved ones bedside. Our empire is finally on a very recognizable decline. After all, even with each person’s strengths, we are only human.

I actually find peace in this. No longer do I care much about my position in a race that took a wrong turn, nor am I throwing up my hands and saying “fuck it.” I’m somewhere in between. Impartiality is the wrong word, but maybe the closest to describing. I guess it’s like watching the rain fall outside and seeing it as a good reason to relax. Or maybe it’s like Game Over on the Playstation and thinking to yourself, “what do I do now?”

It helps me give people the love they deserve, less distracted with trivial wins and losses.

Today

on the way home, I saw an old man riding a unicycle and I said to myself..."wow..." He had to break for a car!

Hawaii not?

So for those who don't know, my neighbor/friend moved to Hawaii about 9 months ago.  He would always talk about going, I just couldn't see him getting the gall to actually follow through.  He's back visiting and he has already had new friends, a job, a girlfriend, etc.  and it's really making me think "why not me?"  After all, he hasn't anything bad to say about this paradise.

The Alchemist resonated in my bones and I've wanted to go on some sort of journey/adventure for some time.  

Thoughts of running off to Hawaii were going through my head all day today, and the day went much better.  Seeing myself out on a surf board, paddling in the sun and the clear waters.

With experience under my belt, I could probably snatch up a job fairly easily.  I checked on Wikipedia and the unemployment rate is a mere 2%, compared to about a 5% national average.  And I like the idea of most of the radio stations being reggae.

I'd like to try it for a year and if all else fails, I'll move back.  After all, my skin tone may get me into trouble there.  Either with the natives or the sun.  

Realization!

!...
Life sure isn't about solving problems. Being aware of them is good, but spending time on them is not. It will surely bring you down. That's the thing about problems. What it's really about...
really about, my friends...
is not how bad it's getting
but how much 'good' we can conjure up in spite of it.
How much genuine, pure and unfiltered happiness* you can comfortably contain
and pass on
to the next
especially the next generation
especially your own future pending little rascals
...!





*= For lack of a better word. Happiness can be fleeting but what I'm talking about is peaceful, yet lively. Knowing, yet not knowing. I think you know what I'm talking about...

Kiss

Kiss me
With all
The pain
The longing
The violence
The love
The waiting
Put the flame
On your lips
It’s better that way

Work

This is it. Me. Here. 7am-4pm. Monday through Friday. Becoming more numb and bored daily. I’m Floor Manager now (step above Warehouse Manager) which means more telling people to do things and sitting at a desk. And no, I don’t have any qualms about this. I’ve worked to get here.
However, I almost miss the anxiety and nervousness with not knowing the job. It was a wider range of emotions than this flatline feeling. Get another cup of coffee , go snore some more. This safety is strangely uncomfortable.
Wish I was traveling around the world…waking up to fresh adventure. New cultures, textures, horizons that I can stretch my eyes with.
This certainly isn't everything. Just a very small something that has become too much a part of my world.

"Are we just working till a day we decide we've had enough? All along, we were strong enough to be sick of it." -Against Me!

Walking a Path, Riding a Plane

I should walk more in the morning time.  Around parks, beaches, forest trails.  When people are in this set of circumstances, just walking to walk, they will always say "hello," give you eye contact, a wave, a smile, the works...it's awesome. It's a social norm in our culture.  And it feels like that's how it should be everywhere.

Now, you get on a BART train and the situation drastically changes. You are met with cold stares and silence.  Once I was on a damn-near full train, which had delays due to another train breaking down.  We were stuck in a tunnel for 10-15 minutes...and no one was talking.  It was creepy.  I got a call or called someone, one or the other, and broke the silence, saying hello and then "I'm on this BART train that's been stopped for 10 minutes and no one is talking!  It's kinda creepy..." Haha.

On plane rides, it goes beyond the friendly hello.  It is accepted to start engaging conversations with this human that is stuck next to you.  Gives you a chance to maybe pick some businessman's brain (for whatever that's worth) or get the life story of an old woman.  It too, can be awesome.  Usually starts with "Why are you flying to [destination]?" and could end up at "...and that's how I found my true calling..."

Doesn't She? (inspired by Love Poems from God)

I could wake up

step outside and say this of the world

It is an incredible beauty

with more than it's share of love

I could wake up 

step outside and say this of the world

It is an incredible disaster

with more than it's share of hate

and be right on both days

The Lord thinks far ahead of us

with methods

unknown

to us

doesn't She?

I can still

see myself flying

a love shrouded deep down in the days

Tired of being alone. Not desperate, just miss that feeling when you know someone is special and they know that you are too. Me at my best. I see people with it everywhere, people talking into all hours of the night, spending the day in bed together.  My time here is short, I am in the best days of what's left, and love is the way to live.  

"Underachieving. Cuz no one's receiving. This tunnel vision. It's turning out all wrong." -Frou Frou

Bottom 3 Jobs, Pt. 2 H.O.P.E.

Heros Of the Parking Elite: I was a cone waver. For Knott's Berry Farm. When I had made the move from LA to the OC, again, I was hard up for a job.  I had to fake a piss test and the whole 9. To become one of the few, the elite, the guardian of the whole cosmic alinement: Parking control. That's what these nerds* would have you think, at least.  These are the boy scouts that had to get a life somehow.  And feel like this parking control thing... well, let's just say they like the "control" part.  One parking guy said he busted some kids with weed and ruined their day.  I laughed along. I had to act like I identified with these half-ass pigs in training.  Some were cool, yes, but others really seemed like they expected some great compensation for their acting like their job was a battle at the front line.  That or an executive smooch-session....  

And as far as the nature of the work, well...I waved people into spots with a flashlight that had a neon cone attatchment. I had a walkie talkie which I occasionally made jokes on. Was usually just a mindless middleman, my lightsaber moving robotically in a 90 degree angle. 

The bad part wasn't the heros I worked with or the mindlessness of the work, it was the heckler jock bastards. They'd always have some line, "Do you get paid to do that?" and before I could give em some kind of snappy one liner they were gone. What I shoulda said is their license plate number out loud. That would've given them the willies in some way, shape or form.

I could put up with this. Had no choice. The free admission to the park helped a bit. Waking up, smoking a bowl on a day off, and going on the bestest rides over and over again. 

I remember walking home from getting this job and finding a box of kittens, which Mr. William Morlan and I found homes for. But that is another story for another day friends, another story for another day...

*= I have a lot of good nerd friends.  Nerds can be good people. But these nerds sucked.

Bottom 3 Jobs, Pt. 1 Ventures in Scientology

1. Professional Scientologist- Yes, this sounds a bit absurd but the context sheds some light: I had been searching and searching for a part time job since I got to MI (Musician's Institute, Hollywood Blvd) and nothing was biting. Except this idle-eyed Scientologist, who practically bit me, trying to hand out flyers for a free "personality test," who had given me an idea...on a normal day, he'd be lucky if I was cordial with him. I had walked up and down Hollywood Blvd. multiple times a day for school. I lived on one end of the Blvd. (The apartments right next to the Scientologist celebrity church, come to think of it) and I had to cross the Mann's Chinese Theater, The Roosevelt Hotel, Kodak Theatre, etc. everyday, the whole sh-bang, and I had been hassled by many-a strange beings. I just wanted to get to class. But I picked (what was left of) his brain today because it was apparent that most people would publicly sever this fellow, day in and day out, just for handing out his flyers. What a shitty job. I concluded there would probably be some openings...

Soes I goes in and propose the idea of me handing out the flyers and they say that it is completely imperative that I become a part of their... church.... Now, herein lies the second reason I wanted to do this thing: I wanted to become like a spy on the system; act like they got me, you know?   So I don't remember the exact order of events, but I'm pretty sure they showed me The Tape first.  I wondered where the kicker is, what makes these people fall under this religion invented by a man who said years before that a man could get rich by inventing a religion. So, it carries on with a bunch of  the most clearly plastic malarky about having proper conversations and other nonsense,  throws in every celebrity Scientologist ever...and finally, I present, the kicker- Hah. I almost laughed out loud. It showed some image of the world spinning or something, with some triumphant music playing and said this and I paraphrase, but get the main idea: "You could act like you've never seen this video. You could also (I forget if he says "jump in front of a car" or "jump off a bridge" or some other gruesome death here). It would be stupid, but you could do it."

Wow.. First, their epiphany had this grotesque death attached to it, and then: this insult! How dare they insult all other noble(r, much nobler..) religion that has come before it, insult anyone who didn't immediately believe (or ever believe) this grade-A hullaballoo, completely void of real happiness and spirit.  Hah. it was hard not to laugh. I shoulda freakin cried...

But I walked out, with this look on my face like I just hard a meeting with the almighty her/himself. Like my mind was just really blown (to pieces...).

Then, there was more pointless nonsense: I took some weird like detector test administered by a real half-wit, that I was sure was fake.  Well, it just LOOKED fake. And I'm pretty sure I lied.  She asked weird questions like "Do I look at pornography?" Stuff to make me feel real dirty and inferior, I guess.

I rode around the city with some member of the church they must use to really drive it home with guys like me.  We saw all the goddamn evil industriatutions (yes, I just made that up) they've managed to establish all over Hollywood and Los Angeles.  Bleech, I wish I had thrown up in his goddamn suspiciously clean car.  

After all of the supposed fireworks, they laid out some very official-looking papers for me which I was supposed to sign. I signed a few, then...oh, how could I forget to ask? How did they not say? That is, "How much am I getting paid??"

"Well, it depends on how well the church does month to month.  It depends on how Scientology is doing, and how many books are sold. It could be lower than minimum wage,"  (exit:stage left I think) "Or it could be something really nice."

HA. Again with the holding of the laughter.  I didn't have the heart to end it here.  All these brainwashed droops, seeing me as a charismatic and bright-eyed young hopeful for their cause. (I had been acting quite well...) I couldn't just leave now. So I didn't.  I ended it all very pleasantly that evening.

And just didn't come to work in the morning.

They called and left all kinds of messages.  I couldn't tell them off.  Yet, something needed to be done.  My roomate, Kevin Kirker, the good natured fellow, the dig bat, he told em off for me.  See, Kevin was a real cool guy til he switched over. And, man, when he switches over, look out. I don't remember exactly what he said, but there were a lot of f-words and he never called back again.

A Prayer

May we never feel a sorrow without a purpose

May we smile for no particular reason

May we dance our souls on tightrope wires

May we laugh hearty and whole 

May we open our eyes wide with all of their color

May we love each with a given innocence

May we view canyons vast and wise

and streams of wonder

and forests with

senses of humor

and shores verging

on an endless ocean

May we work hard and honest

  and learn empty

May we lay down as we please

May we sleep undisturbed

The present

"I was waiting on a moment, but the moment never came.  All the billion other moments were just slipping all away."- The Flaming Lips

It seems to count yourself among the content, enlightened, righteous, etc. relies on a simple decision to do so.  That you make continuously your entire life.  It's hard relating this decision to such a grand scheme of time and is much more pleasing to make that decision for each moment only. The present...a present.  

dented lands

some giant, swooshing something

swapping lives for wishes

some catastrophic nothing

makes us all dissmissive

some apathetic avalanche 

searing, seminal passiveness

some purdy little, painted, fixed-up

roaring, burning, massive mess

eating newly breathing whole, entirely

woah is me, woah is all

pivotal time past prime

miss universe how could you

give away your flowers

you're not allowed to smile so wide

bite, chomp, engulf every heart worth beating

and walk around the premises for years

and get kicks by kicking downtrodden  

pathETic LITtle man

kind

I just wanted more

of you .

 

A tongue and cheek ode to coffee

Written while drinking my first cup, from my new coffee machine:

You bold, bold lover, you

Waking me up early for the best part of my day

Rolling over...how can I deny you?

A hot and steamy morning "quicky"

Prying open my sockets with an electric shock of lime green neon force

To view things that aren't even really there

....yet

You see, I'll need to retain these fluffy, sparkling bodies of parading dreams

When I battle the living dead

Throwback

From Hollywood days:

I practice for my lover to come's slumber by sleeping soundless and motionless

She will be undisturbed

I will be a quiet admirer of her independence

She will have long ago removed the make-up 

Beyond the rules of kiss-and-make-up, as she wakes up

There will be soft dream exchanges:

I jump to hers, she jumps to mine

My breath will reach her body, rhythmically, confident

Sheets will not divide us

When my "one day"s add up to a "today"

I will wear a night cap for her

Bright stomach laughter

She will wear a night shirt, outstretched,

faded, long with millions of tiny cotton balls

Our wake up call will be

the Sun

Rising

Crying 

From a nearby crib

Ambulance

I definitely had early Elliott Smith in mind when I wrote this, but if it were to be a song with a melody it would sound a bit like a carefree Belle and Sebastian song to lighten the mood of it:

You got your ambulance all around town

At 3:00 AM, I can hear your siren's sound

So skinny and frail, so is your nature

So few of them are even worth a damn, that you nurture

But you poured your heart out for all their thirst

Give them the best, leaves you the worst

I think it's time you tried something new

How about you?

I think it's time you take on something new

How about...you?

You got your ambulance all around town

Both me and you know it's set to break down

You got love in your heart, but not in your eyes

And it's the cold concrete that'll slim you down a size

But you poured your heart out for all their thirst

Give them the best, leaves you the worst

I think it's time you tried something new

How about you?

I think it's time you take on something new

How about...you?

Premier primer

Blog is such an awkward word (so it the word "awkward")...it sounds like some odd shaped building blocks in an odd shaped container for young children.  Nevertheless, I am allying myself with this thing for a few reasons:

Since my surgery, the reading I've done in my downtime has inspired me greatly.  It feels like there is a voice that is filtering through me, an "us and them" type of thing that may seem childish but feels so good and right, that needs to come out of the other end. Also, I think it will be nice to share tribulations and extrapolate on ideas I come across throughout the day.

It fits the direction I'm heading in, a much more serious and spiritual approach to this short life.  I have been a comedian for a long time (and at times, a damn funny one, if I do say so myself) but there is a desperation such a mindset, covering up truth with jokes, varying from cockiness to being the butt of my own jokes.  A wildness I am learning to tame. I surely was selling myself short in exchange for some cheap laughs, at times.  After all, so many comedians are depressed and I think it's because they sense this falseness that's akin to such a way of life, as well.  Don't get me wrong- a life without humor would be unimaginable; it's the best thing to conjure up when everything seems to fall apart.  

I couldn't be moving in this direction without some truly compassionate people to bounce ideas off of. They know who they are...and I'm greatful that they seem to be letting me into their circle.  My old group of friends, though I love them dearly, is just not as close as it once was.  Everyone is moving in their own direction, naturally, like text telling where the characters go off to in life at the end of a movie before the credits scroll.  The party is ending and we are cleaning up...

Everything I can express through letters and word may grace this blog: poems, stories, quotes, lyrics, etc. Wherever it all takes me.  Thanks for reading.